Not since The Door to Hell fiasco has Sonoma County been rocked by such blasphemy and religious scandal.

Over the weekend, someone swiped the baby Jesus from the Evangel Assembly of God Church in Healdsburg and left in his place an array of rubber ducks — including the dreaded Devil Duckie.

Now, I must ask all of you to peer deep into your souls and ponder this: How did we not see this coming?

Look no further than the Satanic lyrics (included with every purchase) to The Devil Duckie themesong:

“Devil Duckie, you’re the one,
You make bathtime lots of fun,
Devil Duckie, I’m awfully dirty today.
(Woh, woh, bee day!)

Every day when I
Make my way to get clean,
I find a little fella who’s
Colorful and mean.
(Rub-a-dub-keen!)”

But here’s the kicker:

“Devil Duckie, you’re so swell,
You guide me on the path to hell,
Devil Duckie, I’m awfully dirty –
Devil Duckie, you’re a naughty birdy –
Devil Duckie, I’m awfully dirty today. “

You guide me on the path to hell? Must I spell it out for you?

Back in the day, it was enough to just sing along with Ernie and his yellow rubber duck on Sesame Street.

But, somewhere along the way, in novelty shops and websites around the world, Devil Duckie started to prey on the weak and unsuspecting.

Musicians began penning songs about the fowl horny little devil.

A record company was founded in his honor.

The truly devious crafted how-to manuals detailing the creation of the “Glowing Flashing Multicolor Devil Duck.”

Last year, paleontologists even reported finding the remains of a “demon duck” in New Zealand.

Let’s be honest: It’s no surprise to see the baby Jesus kidnapped again. It’s become a holiday season rite of passage. Last year, multimedia-savvy thieves returned a baby Jesus with a photo album documenting his travels (a la the garden gnome in “Amelie” and our old blog buddy Pierre).

But has he ever been replaced by a squeaky pirate duck with horns and an eye patch?

The nativity nappers have gone too far this time. I smell a boycott. I smell Tinky Winky. I smell rubber burning….

Who’s squeaking now?